I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
