dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
