i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
