Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
