My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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