We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
