i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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