I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
