I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
