I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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