I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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