K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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