so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
