i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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