the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
