her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize