fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
