hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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