Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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