So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
