so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
