pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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