I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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