My Higher Power is John Stamos
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
