She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
