honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
