My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
