he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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