feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
