Kiss
Puke
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
