Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
