Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
