yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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