the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
