She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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