If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
