He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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