There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
