Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
