I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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