All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
