turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
