ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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