she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
