apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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