So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
