Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
