Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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