So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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