i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
