If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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