I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
