Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
