Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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