so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
