so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
