Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
