You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
