i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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