Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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