You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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