paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
