My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize