i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
