i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
