Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
