My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
