Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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