IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
