I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
