I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
