Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
