Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
