How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
