If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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