some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
