Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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