i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
