hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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